Someone (@kingb33rus)

"1.0" but he only started playing again a few weeks ago 😭 I can't talk either I lost my old acc @sandro11114 made ts

pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts pmo ts fr rs ts ts pmo ts ts I was going to go on a rant about this and that, and vent everything. But I've already done that in my mind. I can't translate that to text, I struggle with that. And I'm not going to send another 3k character hidden message in my videos or whatever. I just can't be bothered.

ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts ts I was gonna just vent but idek how to start, and I just hate venting cause I feel like an attention seeker or some bs like that, and to make matters worse I hear and see what others problems are and it just invalidates any reason I'm like this. Others have it worse, so why cry? I say that but I can't even cry, I don't even feel remorse for shit. Someone or something dies and I kinda just brush it off, I don't really think about it. I hate it. And that makes me a bad person. And because of that I can't like myself, I can't love myself. I hate myself. And I've just bottled everything up, and snap at those who get too close or do something to remotely piss me off. I'm just getting too defensive and angry. And then I neglect the people who try and talk to me. I love lots of people, but I just can't talk to them. I can't talk to anyone. I can barely hold conversation outside of text with anyone that isn't Aston or my sister. It's a struggle, and nobody understands. They shout and get angry when I can't explain my reasoning because I just can't??? Why can't they understand that. I try conveying it, but they just don't understand. I'm just lonely. And because of how I've bottled myself up and stuff like that, barely anyone talks to me. And when they do I just.. neglect it. And I'm useless, just a waste of space. I do nothing, I laze around and rot in my bed all day. I don't train, I don't work, nothing. I'm 16 and I'm not even in school, in Spain. A country with a ridiculously low drop-out rate, but atleast I'm special in something. And I don't have any hobbies. Writing just annoys me more and more when I can't get things right, MMA is something I can't even imagine starting because everyone's so much better than me and my body is too weak. Football is the same, especially with how I can't run fast. And I can do certain things, I'm above average in this and that, even physical stuff, but I just. I'm pathetic. And I have noone to talk to, and even if I do, I don't want to talk to them. And then the advice, it just annoys me more and more. You may have it worse, you may be determined to do better and are doing better - but that doesn't mean I can. You can tell me all this encouraging shit, but it just doesn't work. My mind and yours aren't the same. I look up to you, I aspire to be like you, but I can't. You may be going through the same shit or worse, and my current situation may be a product of my own faults, but that just makes me feel worse. I can't be like you. I can't. And I just want it all to end, but I don't have the mentality to better myself nor do I have the mentality to kill myself. So I'm just stuck here. I've been bullied a good 10 years of my life, it may not have been the worst, it may not have been physical all the time, but to add that atop the other things that stress me really fucking hurts. Now I'm just a socially awkward ambivert who wants to do great and can't, or wants to rot in bed but hell I can't even do that, no privacy lol. I'm just ungrateful. I don't have any goals, religious views to save me, a significant other or even hobbies. Nothing. And I act so differently online, to atleast be good to them, to be a father figure for some, to be kind. I'm glad to know I'd be a good father, but it's a shame I'll have no kids. And even if someone did ask me out, I'd get nervous and reject them. But that'd never happen, and to even think about asking someone out? I'm not even scared of them saying no, I'm scared of them saying yes.